Show Up Like A Grown Up

I whisper to God said… “How has Love changed your life?”:

I have gotten myself into an extremely uncomfortable situation. One that was absolutely was created by me, although not intentionally. Maybe the other person involved is not involved at the same level I am, but he willingly played into my hand, if you will, to get me to the place I'm at. I have a tremendous amount of love and respect for this person. There is something about this person that caused an awakening in me of sorts. They bought back to life my love of writing and a new enjoyment for music. They also respect and encourage my relationship with God, which is extremely important to me. They make me laugh and sometimes cry. But somewhere along the line in building the closeness with this person, I began to notice the void of closeness with myself and my husband. My energy began shifting away from my husband to this person. I believe what developed is what some people call an emotional affair. I began confessing things to this person that I have never told anyone. And that's when I knew my marriage was suffering. The last thing I want to do is cause harm to my marriage of 15 years.

I though I could push the intimate feelings aside and continue the relationship on a friendship level with this person. I really don't want to lose this friendship. But I don't know how to do that. He has given me so much unconditional love and accepted me with all of flaws and all of my beauty. How can I walk away from that? I tell myself if this is all I ever get from this person, it will be enough. Then I find myself wanting more. How can I stay? Even when I told this person that I needed time to figure out these feelings, the response was filled with love. It's killing me to sever communication, but what else can I do? My marriage is at stake.

My heart has not felt this much sadness in a very long time. So much so that I believe my husband is aware of what is going on, but he doesn't have the heart to discuss it with me. I think he trusts that I will do the right thing and he is patiently waiting for me to return my affection to him.

I never thought that there would be another person that I could love as much or maybe even more than my husband. I wasn't looking for this to happen. It just did. Now I need to show up like a grown up and do the right thing. Even if it tears me up inside.

1 comment:

Bridget said...

God's love has allowed me to truly love my husband more than i ever thought possible. I could never feel the way i feel for him if it wasn't for the Lord's hand in teaching me how to be a good Christian wife and be loving, submissive, caring and his helpmeet.