Joe said... "How has Love changed your life?"
The Lord came into my heart at the age of 13. I remember leaving school early one day, because I hated my life. I was tired of fighting off the bullies. I hated the feeling of no hope, no way out, feeling nobody cared, if I was to live or die.
When I arrived at home I had already made the decision to die, so I went into me parents bedroom and took my dad’s gun from his night stand and then moved the guns safety into the off position. Preparing to die I began to cry out to God. Trying to justify my decision saying to Him; 'I'm someones mistake. Nobody wants me or loves me, I'm just a burden to everyone in my life. Why did you even allow me to be born?' My finial words to God were, 'I'm sorry Lord, I can't go on any longer please forgive me' and with a loaded gun just under my chin I pulled back on the trigger.
The gun didn’t fire! I then realized that the safety which was always left in the on position was somehow placed in the off position that day. So, when I thought I'd turn the gun's safety to the firing position I'd actually turned the safety ON causing the gun not to fire. I can't explain the situation with the gun's safety other than God's intervention.
All I can remember is at that moment which the gun didn't fire, I drop the gun and fell to my knee’s and busted out into tears crying out and pleading, “Oh God, please forgive me Lord.” I immediately felt the presence of what I now know as Holy Spirit coming upon me filling my heart with thoughts and words as if God himself was speaking directly to me telling me, “I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW!” As tears poured down my checks God spoke these thoughts upon my heart, that my birth mother didn't give me up for adoption because she hated me, but because she loved me so much that she'd made the sacrifice to carry me through to full term birth. The Lord said, to me, "I HAVE GREAT PLANS FOR YOU! Follow me and I'll be with you always".
Our Father is in Heaven. His Son Jesus Christ came into this world and died for OUR sins. The Holy Spirit is present here on Earth to help us daily. God loves us more than we’ll ever know. And if you don't already know His son Jesus pray to Him and ask Him to come into your life. He'll bear all your pain and burdens. I know...
Many years later when I made the decision to love the Lord my God with all my heart and with all my soul and with all my mind and with all my strength. I then found these verses in the Bible which are almost word for word the message which was placed upon my heart that fateful day when the gun failed to fire. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."Jeremiah 29:11-13 (NIV)
Moving forward last year (2010) through another miracle of God I was able meet both my birth mother (she's commented below) and biological father. Today, I share a relationship with them both. I now have children myself one of which has given birth to a child herself. Everyday, I thank God for all the love and miracles which he pours down upon all of humanity.
I pray for all women who are carrying one of God's tiny miracles in their womb and may be contemplating the life of their unborn child. I also pray for you if you're struggling, or hurting and contemplating God's decision for your own life hoping and praying that all the while you will come to realize and understand that, "GOD LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW!"
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5 comments:
Dear Joe,.
I felt some pain, relief & joy that the "safety was on", when you attempted to end your precious life.
I can relate to the pain (abandonment)...my mother put me in an orphanage when I was two.
I have attempted suicide myself...I'm amazed I survived. God obviously didn’t want me to leave the planet.
He eventually delivered me Joe, like He has delivered you.
Romans 9: 18 In other words, if God wants to show mercy on someone, he does so, and if he wants to harden someone's heart, he does so.
Peace Be With You
Michael Patrick David
Hi Joe -
I was adopted, too. It can be very painful thinking that your mother didn't want you, I went through that a lot when I was a kid, after finding out, at age 8, that I was adopted. In fact, I went through it up until I turned 18 and met my birthmother. I never wanted to die because of the abandonment I felt, but I do know the pain. I've come to realize, though, that God intended for the parents who adopted me to be MY parents. Not the "parents" who conceived me. My parents gave me the best life I could have possibly asked for, and I thank God for protecting me and giving me to them.
Laura
To any adopted child,
The reasons are often many and complexed that we place our child for adpotion and choose anonimity. It is NOT because we hate our child, we want them to have a life better then we feel we can provide. What gives us strength is beliving that God will provide loving parents to assume the responsiblity we feel we can not. We are ever so thankful for those parents that are willing to take on our responsibility and provide the love and care we know our child deserves. It may be that the adoption we hoped would be our child's 'save all', at times can not spare them from hurt. Is there a family that can provide a life without hurt? Not ever Mary could spare her earthly son Jesus from hurt.
Joe, you are a grown man now with a beautiful family. A week ago on June 10, 2010, I received a call from you, during that call you mentioned 'poweruplove.com'. This web site provided me with the answer to the prayer that has been constant for me through the years,
that the child I gave up for adpotion would know the LORD.
Thank you for seeking me out. You have always been loved.
Your Birth Mother
For you have been my hope, O Sovereign Lord, my confidence since my youth. From birth I have relied on you; you brought me forth from my mother's womb. I will ever praise you. ~ Psalm 71:5-6
Love must be reciprocated! Love that is given must also be accepted.
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