Amy said..."How has love change your life?":
I was the first born of three children to my parents. I was not raised in a christian home. My mom would take us to Church sometimes, but my dad never went. His beliefs were never talked about. I knew there was a God in Heaven because I learned about Him at Church. I said, your typical bed time prayers as a child and we blessed our food for big holiday dinners. But I've never had a relationship with Him.
Growing up my dad was gone a lot and I always thought it was his job that kept him away from home. Some times he would be gone for weeks at a time on business trips. As long as I can remember I never felt like I was a Daddy’s little girl. I longed to have that relationship with him.
My dad is an Alcoholic.
My first memory of my dad's drinking wasn't until I was old enough to realize what was going on. My mom had the teenager next door come and sit with us one evening. She had gotten a phone call from the local bar, to come and pick up my dad. He was in no shape to drive. By the time they came home we were all in bed. I was lying there awake when my dad came into my room. He was confused in his drunken state and was unaware of where he was. He crawled in my bed on top of me and then passed out.
That night God was there with me and protected me from harmful things happening.
Overtime, I had desires to be loved, wanted and needed from everyone. I was crying out for attention. This led me to many years of rebellion. If it was out there, I was doing it. I wanted so desperately to feel loved by my dad and when I didn't receive it from him, I went elsewhere. I hated myself for what I was doing and the life I was living. When my boyfriend at the time broke my heart, I felt worthless. I wanted to die, I was tired of hurting. I was 13 years old when I overdosed on pills trying to kill the pain.
God was there with me that night. He didn't let me die. He had a plan for me
even though I was running from Him.
even though I was running from Him.
Years went on and so did my rebellion. By the time I was in High School I had an issue with drinking. I was a binge drinker. I wanted more than anything to kill the pain I felt. At some point I got involved with an older guy. He really just used me and tossed me to the side. He would totally ignore me and then just call me up for a good time. I waited axiously for his next call. I wanted to be with him because of the attention I got. One night after his heavy drinking and possible drug use, I had really had enough of him. He beat me up and locked me in the bedroom with him. Iwas scared to death from him threating me with a shot gun. That night I was raped. I was 15 years old.
Again, that night God was with me and He protected me.
There was a pattern with guys in my life and the next one was no different. He was extremely possessive and by this time I was an emotional wreck. I got pregnant at 16 years old. I thought about the attention a baby would bring. But after the influence of my doctor and my mom, I made my choice. I had an abortion April 19, 1991, 2 days after my 17th birthday. It was awful, and I was so ashamed. I didn't even have the courage to walk out when I was having second thoughts.
God was with me and He protected me that day.
My life was full of trials but God kept pursing me. Years later I had a broken marriage, 2 babies and I was dating again. But this time it was different. God used this man to lead me to the feet of Jesus. I was saved by the Blood of Christ during the summer of 1996 when I was 22 years old. After giving my life to Christ, I still faced difficult situations. Sept. 30, 2000,my mother was killed in a car accident while turning onto my road. That drove me into a pit of despair and depression. I again wanted to die. I felt like I could not go on one more day. By the Grace of God those days came and He pulled me out of that pit of depression I was in for 3 years.
God has continued to pursue me even while I was running away from Him all those years. He was tenderly protecting me when I didn't deserve it. He did all that for me when I wouldn't even acknowledge Him. He loves me and has His eyes set upon me. He is in control, he has been and always will be.
For 15 years I was hidden behind the shame and guilt of my abortion. On October 14, 2006, I finally let go and let God begin to heal me from the trauma of my abortion. Most people think that you just get over it, but you don't. Time does not heal this kind of wound.
God is the only one who can heal it.
Is God speaking to you today?
Are you in this bondage of guilt and shame?
Can I offer you hope today?
There is Hope in Jesus Christ. He knows your pain. He has felt your pain and wants to rid you of it all. It is possible to be forgiven and to let go of the emotional pain. He desires to set you free from bondage. He wants to replace ashes with beauty. He has a life waiting for you, the one He intended for you. God can and will transform your heart and mind. You just have to turn to Him in repentance and give your heart to Jesus. God loves you even when you don't love yourself. God will forgive you, all you have to do is humbly surrender to Him.
The scriptures state in 2 Corinthians 5:17, "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, He is a new creation; the old is gone, the new has come."
God has a plan for your life. He wants only good for you. In Jeremiah 29:11, it says "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you Hope and afuture."