I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW

Joe said... "How has Love changed your life?"

The Lord came into my heart at the age of 13. I remember leaving school early one day, because I hated my life. I was tired of fighting off the bullies. I hated the feeling of no hope, no way out, feeling nobody cared, if I was to live or die.

When I arrived at home I had already made the decision to die, so I went into me parents bedroom and took my dad’s gun from his night stand and then moved the guns safety into the off position. Preparing to die I began to cry out to God. Trying to justify my decision saying to Him; 'I'm someones mistake. Nobody wants me or loves me, I'm just a burden to everyone in my life. Why did you even allow me to be born?' My finial words to God were, 'I'm sorry Lord, I can't go on any longer please forgive me' and with a loaded gun just under my chin I pulled back on the trigger.

The gun didn’t fire! I then realized that the safety which was always left in the on position was somehow placed in the off position that day. So, when I thought I'd turn the gun's safety to the firing position I'd actually turned the safety ON causing the gun not to fire. I can't explain the situation with the gun's safety other than God's intervention.

All I can remember is at that moment which the gun didn't fire, I drop the gun and fell to my knee’s and busted out into tears crying out and pleading, “Oh God, please forgive me Lord.” I immediately felt the presence of what I now know as Holy Spirit coming upon me filling my heart with thoughts and words as if God himself was speaking directly to me telling me, “I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW!” As tears poured down my checks God spoke these thoughts upon my heart, that my birth mother didn't give me up for adoption because she hated me, but because she loved me so much that she'd made the sacrifice to carry me through to full term birth. The Lord said, to me, "I HAVE GREAT PLANS FOR YOU! Follow me and I'll be with you always".

Our Father is in Heaven. His Son Jesus Christ came into this world and died for OUR sins. The Holy Spirit is present here on Earth to help us daily. God loves us more than we’ll ever know. And if you don't already know His son Jesus pray to Him and ask Him to come into your life. He'll bear all your pain and burdens. I know...

Many years later when I made the decision to love the Lord my God with all my heart and with all my soul and with all my mind and with all my strength. I then found these verses in the Bible which are almost word for word the message which was placed upon my heart that fateful day when the gun failed to fire. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."Jeremiah 29:11-13 (NIV)

Moving forward last year (2010) through another miracle of God I was able meet both my birth mother (she's commented below) and biological father. Today, I share a relationship with them both. I now have children myself one of which has given birth to a child herself. Everyday, I thank God for all the love and miracles which he pours down upon all of humanity.

I pray for all women who are carrying one of God's tiny miracles in their womb and may be contemplating the life of their unborn child. I also pray for you if you're struggling, or hurting and contemplating God's decision for your own life hoping and praying that all the while you will come to realize and understand that, "GOD LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW!"

"You're My Girl..."

Kim said... "How Has Love Changed Your Life?":

Six weeks after my second son was born I became a statistic – one of over 2 million women raising children alone. My husband of six years announced without warning, and without a good reason he was leaving me. He abandoned me to chase a dream he could not define and left me to pick up the broken pieces of my own shattered dream.

As he walked out the door with his bags in hand, he took with him every ounce of confidence I had in myself. My spirit was crushed. I went from believing in myself to questioning everything about me. It’s amazing how much damage occurred in those short weeks. He shot a hole through my heart large enough to spill out every good thing I knew to be true. Battered and broken, my heart was crippled with self-doubt and I unwillingly joined the sisterhood of women dying to feel loved in a most unloving world.

The initial days and weeks following his departure were the toughest. Despite an army of friends coming to my rescue with words of encouragement and support, I felt lonelier and increasingly more rejected with each passing day. Seeing a perfect opportunity for emotional destruction, the enemy remained close enough to whisper how unloved and undesired I had become. I bought into the his propaganda – hook, line and sinker. He worked overtime on me, whispering persuading lies during a season of life when emotional vulnerability prevents you from seeing truth clearly. He stripped me of my self-worth and convinced me I had been forsaken by the one who once loved me. He enticed me into bondage and I agreeably followed.

I longed for the companionship of my husband, for the security of a provider and for the embrace of a man. I remember crying out to the Lord many nights for him to “fix” all of my problems, to bring my husband back and restore our marriage. Having been a believer for twenty years prior to this event, I thought God owed it to me to work this out. How could he let this happen to me? And how could I feel so desperate and so empty?

On the morning I first returned to work since the drama began, I stood in my bedroom trying to hold back the tears. Unsure of how I was going to get through the day feeling so wrecked, I selected a long, black skirt and heels that were supposed to trick my brain into feeling like going to work. Every movement was a conscious decision – breathing, walking, and blinking. At times, I willed my heart to continue its rhythm as every involuntary action had been paralyzed by sadness. My two-year-old son entered the room as I was getting dressed and pleaded repeatedly, “Spin, mommy, spin!” He liked to watch my skirt flow outward as I twirled around for him, pretending to be a dancer. Dutifully I spun around for him, trying to memorize the smile on his face that it might get me through the day. He sweetly giggled and I obliged him again and again. After three or four spins, dizziness overtook me and we both fell laughing on my bed. Laughter quickly turned to tears – and big ones. They were the kind of tears you can’t hold back even if you try because you don’t even know why you’re crying. Perhaps I had to make up for the last three minutes I had spent actually being happy since happiness seemed like a betrayal to my new prison of loneliness. A moment later, my son put his tiny arms around me and proclaimed through my tears, “Mommy, you’re my girl.”

I cannot describe the blessing in those words from that tiny voice. I was his mommy and he loved me no matter what. My little one didn’t care what I looked like, how smart I was, or where I had to be. I was his girl and I was loved by him.

I began to listen closer. “You’re my girl. You’re my girl. You’re my girl.” I listened until it was no longer the two year old voice talking to me, but the gentle, quiet spirit of the Father calling me out of my world of rejection and into His full acceptance where grace and mercy and unconditional love abound!

My life changed forever that day. For the first time since my husband left, I felt loved and cherished. I began to surrender my pain to the Father. He began an amazing work in my heart. He healed it, and then he claimed it for his own. As I pursued Him, he filled every hole and refined me. My longing for companionship with my husband was replaced with a sweet intimacy with the Father. The emptiness that imprisoned me was destroyed by the acceptance and affirmation of my King. I found what I was looking for – a love that lasts.

My husband never returned; and I was never the same. I was whole, complete and I was loved without a doubt. It wasn’t the ending I had envisioned but isn’t that just like the Father? The crazier the outcome, the more I’m convinced it is the hand of God. I learned the Father was more consumed with affirming HIS love for me than he was with a man’s affirmation of love for me. And this is a love to be treasured!

It is my testimony that when the Lord becomes the fountain of everything meaningful in your life – when He is your companion, your protector, your provider – you will never be lost or disappointed by what happens or doesn’t happen on your journey.

Isaiah 45:3 "I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel who summons you by name."

Thank you, my King, for those treasures of dark times, because now I know You are the One who calls me by name.

Show Up Like A Grown Up

I whisper to God said… “How has Love changed your life?”:

I have gotten myself into an extremely uncomfortable situation. One that was absolutely was created by me, although not intentionally. Maybe the other person involved is not involved at the same level I am, but he willingly played into my hand, if you will, to get me to the place I'm at. I have a tremendous amount of love and respect for this person. There is something about this person that caused an awakening in me of sorts. They bought back to life my love of writing and a new enjoyment for music. They also respect and encourage my relationship with God, which is extremely important to me. They make me laugh and sometimes cry. But somewhere along the line in building the closeness with this person, I began to notice the void of closeness with myself and my husband. My energy began shifting away from my husband to this person. I believe what developed is what some people call an emotional affair. I began confessing things to this person that I have never told anyone. And that's when I knew my marriage was suffering. The last thing I want to do is cause harm to my marriage of 15 years.

I though I could push the intimate feelings aside and continue the relationship on a friendship level with this person. I really don't want to lose this friendship. But I don't know how to do that. He has given me so much unconditional love and accepted me with all of flaws and all of my beauty. How can I walk away from that? I tell myself if this is all I ever get from this person, it will be enough. Then I find myself wanting more. How can I stay? Even when I told this person that I needed time to figure out these feelings, the response was filled with love. It's killing me to sever communication, but what else can I do? My marriage is at stake.

My heart has not felt this much sadness in a very long time. So much so that I believe my husband is aware of what is going on, but he doesn't have the heart to discuss it with me. I think he trusts that I will do the right thing and he is patiently waiting for me to return my affection to him.

I never thought that there would be another person that I could love as much or maybe even more than my husband. I wasn't looking for this to happen. It just did. Now I need to show up like a grown up and do the right thing. Even if it tears me up inside.

Helpmeet

Bridget said... "How has Love changed your Life?":

God's love has allowed me to truly love my husband more than i ever thought possible. I could never feel the way i feel for him if it wasn't for the Lord's hand in teaching me how to be a good Christian wife and be loving, submissive, caring and his helpmeet.

Father To The father-less

Anonymous said... "How has love changed your life?:

My children had two friend's over at the house Tony 10 and Tina 9. Tina was misbehaving a bit, so I asked her to sit in my office for a moment to settle the stress and defuse the tension between the children as they played. I stopped what I was doing to talk to her. I let Tina know that we don't behave in our home in the manner in which she was been behaving. I gave Tina two choices either go home or stop the disruptive behavior. I don’t think she like either choice by the look on her face. I thought it might help her understand why I was disciplining her, so I explained to Tina that discipline is a form of love. I don't know why, (maybe I could see she was missing something) but I open my Bible and showed her a couple of God's promises. I explained to Tina that God disciplines those He loves. I wanted her to know that I discipline my own children because I love them and in that same manner of love I was disciplining her. Tina looked up at me and said, "I wish I had a dad" (Tony and Tina don't have a dad at home). Wow, I wasn't expecting that.

I explained that we all share the same dad a Father in heaven who loves us more than we could ever imagine. A Father who is always watching over us in good and bad times, a Father who will listen to everything we pour out to him. A Father who will give us comfort and provide us the things we need. All we have to do is ask, and if it’s His will, God will give us what we ask for. Tina looked me straight in the eyes and said, “You mean He'll give me a dad if I ask Him?” (Kids ask the hard straightforward questions) I explained the Bible is God’s promise to us all. And His promise says if what we ask is within His will He will provide that.

I asked Tina if she would like to ask Him for a dad, she nodded and said yes. I asked if she wanted to pray with me, and she nodded and said yes again. I held her hand and prayed with her. We prayed for God protection, guidance, and His will in providing a dad. Tina’s eyes swelled up with tears as we finished praying. I asked her if she was okay, she couldn’t speak because she was all chocked up with tears, she just nodded and walk out of my office trying to hold back the tears inside. I said, “Tina its okay to cry”.

That day, at that moment, I know You came into Tina’s tender heart. I felt Your presence Lord Jesus and I pray that You remain in her and she remain in You. You’re Father to the Fatherless and our almighty Lord and Redeeming Savor.

Even if our earthly father's fail us, He is always with us. It’s okay for us all to cry, its okay to humble ourselves before Him. We never know where, when, why, and how He will use us. Just be ready for when He is ready to use you!